Kinky La Rue

It’s been a giggle these past 24hrs, mixed in with a little bit of incredulity. Before I go off to my training this morning I thought I just had to share this with you.

I’m not sure if it’s anything to do with the new review. Whenever I get a new one, my bandwidth is stretched to its limits, traffic to my site is overflowing and my phone goes a little crazy. Especially if the review is on Punternet. It’s the most comprehensive and widely-read website to do with our industry. I don’t complain, it’s good for business.

Anyway, in the past 24hrs it seems I’ve had every condition in my book ignored by gentlemen who seem to be thinking with the wrong, ahem, organ shall we say.

Yesterday morning I switched on my phone to receive two text messages, duplicates of each other. One sent at 5.52am, then re-sent later at 8.54am. Remember this is on a Sunday morning. Later on in the day I had a missed call from that same number.

Now, it states clearly and in bold on my site, that my phone is switched on between the hours of 9am and 10pm. It also states that I don’t reply to text messages and that I don’t work on Sundays.

Okay, now bearing in mind that it also states on my site that I don’t do short notice bookings and again, my phone is only switched on between 9am and 10pm, this morning I’ve just switched my phone back on, to a voicemail left for me at nearly midnight last night, from a gentleman, who lives in Streatham near Nando’s (no, I don’t know where that is either), wanting to see me in the next half an hour. No, he says, make that the next 15mins. It’s the best laugh I’ve had all weekend. He then goes on to say, “even if I don’t catch up with you tonight, I’ll make sure I will do at some point soon”. Ha, not if you keep calling at silly o’clock matey. I think out of the two phone calls, this one left me the most gob-smacked. I’m still laughing as I’m typing now.

I think what it is is that we’re not seen as human by some gentlemen. We don’t have families, we don’t sleep and we can get to your place in 15mins or less regardless of where we live, especially if you’re in Streatham near Nando’s.

I need to find my Wonderwoman outfit and get my invisible jet out of the garage. That’ll do the trick. But in the meantime, I’m off to training. And to the two gents, thank you for the giggles this weekend. And I’m not a giggly type of person. Ahhh, the perils of this industry.

Have a wonderful day and a wonderful week. Mwah!

The past couple of days phone calls has made me reminiscent about this song, sung by Karyn White sometime back in the 90s.

On Friday night at around 7.30 I received a phone call asking for an outcall to Ilford in Essex. For those unfamiliar with London and its geography, it’s a fair distance. I live in South London and Essex is all the way across town, past East London. It’s basically on the border of Essex county. Not Central London anymore.

Last night at approx. the same time, I received another request for an outcall to come to Hertfordshire. Hertfordshire?!  This is even further than Essex, just going in another direction. It’s what we townies consider the countryside.

Now I know because of this freezing weather we’re suffering it seems like a great idea to have some rumpy pumpy in the warmth of your own surroundings. But calling me last minute, without any regard as to how I’d get to yours in freezing temperature, ice and snow, really is a tad thoughtless. Then imagine me trying to get back home in the wee hours of the night. It doesn’t even bear thinking about.

I have had to chuckle at these phone calls. I’m thinking to myself, how do these gents expect me to get to their houses, in this weather, at such short notice?? I know, I’ll do that twirly thing that Wonderwoman (yes I know, a different superhero to Superwoman but you get the picture) does. She goes from Diana Prince to Wonderwoman in a blink of an eye. I could go from homebody to Kinky Brandy in the blink of an eye too; thongs, sussies and basque just like that. And what for travel? Pfft, forget the icy roads my car would skid about in. Forget the long train journey hampered by the snow and ice. I know! I’ll use my Invisible Jet. I’ll be there in two shakes of my truth lasso.

Gentlemen, c’mon! If you’ve been experiencing difficulties in getting in to work this week, do you think I’d fare much better? And at such short notice? I know it’s not exactly a romantic picture, but believe me, with this weather, I’m curled up either on the sofa or in my bed in my warmest pee-jays wearing double socks which can just about feel the warmth from the hot water bottle my feet are resting on. In other words, I’m just as human as you.

That’s not to say that if I had an advanced booking I’d have done my damndest to get there. I would’ve and have done. I can feel my toes wincing now at the memories of some of the outcalls I’ve made to the Greater London area, standing on freezing cold train platforms. But c’mon gents, as gorgeous and as wonderful as I am, I’m not Superwoman, or indeed Wonderwoman. Even if I have performed some amazing feats in the bedroom.