Do you want to know what the giveaway signs are?
1. When you call me asking “what do you offer?”, when my services are clearly marked on my website and in my reviews, which are clearly linked on the website where the rates page is. A genuine caller has already read the details on the website and knows exactly what I offer and if he wants to partake of my services.
2. When you say that the internet is down when it’s suggested that you go back and read my website. I always find it amazing how you manage to grab the phone number before you lose connection. It’s like you have a 6th sense that it’s about to go. Or:
3. When you say that you “got the number from a friend”. Do you have any idea how old both these lines are? Believe me, you haven’t just invented them.
4. When, if I won’t bite and I won’t talk about what services I do provide, you insist on listing them yourself, prompting me to say whether or not I provided them, e.g. “do you do handjobs?”, “do you do titwanks?”. I guess if you can’t get me to say anything else, then a yes or no will have to suffice, because you have a real-life escort on the other end of the line and it’ll add to the fantasy regardless of what I say.
4. An obvious giveaway? The tremor in your voice. The shaking that you so desperately try and hide as you position yourself, one hand holding your phone, the other hand wrapped around your willy as you start tugging at it. After 9 years it’s almost unmistakeable to my ears, as imperceptible as it sometimes can be.
5.But the most obvious giveaway? The squelching noise that you don’t think I can hear when you use your lube of choice, be it baby oil or moisturising lotion if you’ve got nothing else to hand. I also imagine the spare sock you’ve got waiting nearby once you reach your climax.
I had such a call earlier on this afternoon, just as I was putting the finishing touches to my essay. I don’t mind answering the phone when I’m writing, provided it’s a polite enquiry or request to make a booking. I’m not happy at the best of times answering the phone to somebody who just wants to put a voice to the images on his moniter whilst he wanks, much less when I’m trying to work.
It may sound snobbish but I won’t reel off my services over the phone (haven’t done for years) and this is one of the reasons why. I don’t mind a confirmation of services before a gent makes a booking. After all, he’s about to spend a vast amount of money and he needs to know that I’ll provide what he’s asking for, but don’t ask me “what (services) do you offer?” I’ll just refer you back to my website and my reviews where they’re pretty much explanatory. And if I get the excuse that “my internet’s down”, then I’ll politely suggest that you wait until you’re reconnected. I know you don’t intend on making a booking anyway, so there’s really no urgency, is there?
I’m never rude. I’ll never say, “I’ve heard that one before”, or “do you know how old that line is?” I’ll take each call at its merit and I’ll remain professional throughout. But I will hang up when I hear you start to wank. I’m not a cheap phone sex line and I won’t wait for you to go through the motions whilst you finish off your handjob. In my early days I used to get caught out. For the longest time I couldn’t understand why so many guys would call me and their voices started shaking. I used to get hung-up on as soon as you were near completion, or you’d promise to call back another time to make a booking. I finally cottoned on. And after so many years I’m still amazed that men still don’t think we can hear when you wank. We can gents, we can.
