Kinky La Rue

I know! Do what today’s client did and spread it all over himself and me. Not much of a mess was made. We’d put down two sheets of plastic on the bed and all the action took place on there.

It tasted lovely but in the end it didn’t really spread that well the more we tried to rub it into each other’s bodies. Not really the right consistency and my client nearly went blind getting a bit of chocolate spread in his eye when he rubbed his face on my boobs, bless him,lol.  But it was great fun squished together in the shower washing it off of each other, especially getting it out of certain *cough* crevices.  And I still felt a wee bit squeeky walking home, if you know what I mean. I had to take another shower when I got in.

What a great way to spend a hot and sticky Tuesday morning though. Next time, custard, apparently. It’s a softer consistency. Oooh, I say!

Whilst at the Museum of Natural History I stopped in the Charles Darwin gift shop and bought a fridge magnet which had  the following saying: “An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men”. Charles Robert Darwin

I thought it was a good chuckle.

The start of my weekend was marred by the sudden death of Michael Jackson the day before. Shock doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt at hearing the news at a quarter to midnight last Thursday night. Even given his troubles in his personal life, there was no doubt he was a musical and choreographical genius. May he find the peace that seemed to have eluded him in life.

Anyway, the weekend in Bayswater got off to a great start when I spent a few hours with one of my favourite customers. Whilst things didn’t exactly go according to plan, we still enjoyed each other’s company immensely. To the point where he took me out to dinner and treated me to a Chinese meal, seeing as it was my birthday, you know. After dinner said client and I said our goodbyes and it was back to the apartment at around 9.30, watched a bit of telly, fell asleep singing along to The Specials playing at Glastonbury.

Saturday was a slight change of plans. I was supposed to meet up with SJ, have lunch then go have a wander around Portobello Market. In the end she couldn’t make it, so I spent the day indulging in some retail therapy at Westfield Shopping Centre, a new mall that’s only been open a year or so. Bloody hell, it’s massive. It really is a shopper’s paradise. And the good thing about the place is, because it’s so big, you never felt that there were too many people there. I never felt claustraphobic like I would’ve done if I’d gone to Oxford St. I got off at Shepherd’s Bush tube and got on at White City to go home, that’s how big the place is.

Sunday was museum day. I promised myself that I’d visit the Natural History Museum during the summer, so I made Sunday the day. I forgot how massive the place was. My favourite part still is, (always has been) the dinosaur part. Loved it. Although one thing did amuse me and I found to be a little incongruous. Whilst most people were in comfortable footwear, sneakers, flip-flops, sandals, or in my case, Birkenstocks, I saw a woman who had, get this, six inch glass heels with matching glittery handbag. I don’t know if she was on her way back, or to, a nightclub. She should’ve been thrown out just for being a menace to the hardwood floor of the museum with those stupid heels. How she thought that was suitable attire for museum walking, I don’t know. With a bite of lunch, I was in there for a good three hours myself. I wonder how she fared.

My customer from Friday recommended that I try the Victoria and Albert Museum, affectionately known as the V&A. So I did. And beautiful it was too. A good word to describe it would be ornate. I have to go back there because I really didn’t leave a lot of time for both. I forgot how much time it take for one museum visit. They had different dynasties for different parts of the world, Japan, China etc. They also had fashion through the years, including a dress that Princess Di wore. They even had a panties and bra from Rigby and Peller, the gods of big posh bras; corsetiers to the Royal Family, dontcha know.  But my favourite of what I had seen so far had to be the Italian sculptures. They were simply breath-taking. As I said, I have to go back again and spend more time, there was quite a bit I didn’t get to see. My legs were killing me at this point.

I got back to the apartment at around 6 in the evening and I just spent the rest of it reading, watching Michael Jackson tributes on various music channels and the Black Eyed Peas at Glastonbury. What with the good weather, I had what I’d consider, a blindin’ weekend. A mixture of music, culture and retail therapy. What more could a girl ask for?

The England women’s cricket team beat New Zealand to win the World Twenty20, whilst their male counterparts in the  same competition, well, didn’t. Well done the ladeeez.

I’m off to do the happy girly dance.

England beat New Zealand

Tomorrow morning (Saturday) I have a booking between 11.30am-12.30pm. If you’re in the Belgrave/Victoria area say around 1pm, why not drop by for a visit? Obviously it would be good if you could give me some notice so I can make the necessary arrangements, so a call before my 11.30 booking would be ideal. As always shorter sessions available for those who can’t manage the full hour for whatever reason.

If not this weekend, remember I’ll be in the Bayswater (W2) area next weekend from Friday 26th to Monday morning 29th pretending that my birthday lasts for 72hrs,lol. It looks like the afternoon of the 26th is pretty much booked up, but you’ve still got Friday night from 8pm and the rest of the weekend, or give us a bell in case I have any cancellations. I might even be up for an early morning session on the Monday morning if you’re game, maybe a quick dalliance before work? Not too ungodly an hour though,lol.

Give me a bell – *07900 848567*. Would love to shag have you.

I’ve had the same “reasons” why I’m asked for details over the phone. I’ve had:

.My computer froze, can you give me some more details please?

.My internet threw me off, can I have some more details please?

.I only had time to scribble down your number, can I have some details please?

.I was enthralled by your beauty and forgot to read the rest of your site, can I have some more details please?

And my most favouritist one: a friend recommended you to me. He just gave me your number. Can I have some more details please?

I think the problem with me is that when I first started out, I used to advertise out of the back of the local papers and it was a very common thing to ask when first making that initial enquiry. I didn’t mind it so much at first because I didn’t have a website and all the caller had to rely on was a few lines of text in the paper.

But when I have a website with pictures, text, prices, location, a mention of services, even reviews, I admit I do sigh inwardly with frustration when I get a phone call asking me for details. I now react to that phrase like nails down a blackboard. But what else is there to ask? I do try and accommdate them, I really do. But funnily enough, those that ask, “can I have some details please”, or variations thereof, never make a booking with me. Never.

The gentlemen that do make a booking have already read my site, seen the pictures and in some cases, taken the time to read my reviews so they have an idea of what I like to provide.

A variation of this is a phone call I had yesterday. A chap called from Ireland and said he was thinking of coming over to London for a visit. He asked me the price of an overnight booking. I told him. Fine, he says. And then it came: What does an overnight booking entail? Can you give me some details on that please.

The thing is, it’s a difficult question to answer. No two gents are alike and each booking is tailor-made for each gentleman. You all have different tastes and predilicitons for certain things. I never assume you all want the same thing. It’d be crazy to. Do you know how many different services there are out there? And how many variations of said services?

The gentleman then asked me a few more questions, most of which I replied that it depended on my client how I performed a certain service. It sounded a little flip when thinking back on it, but it is the truth. There’s no point in asking me what an appointment entails, or how do I facesit a customer, or how best do I perform oral sex when this is such a bespoke job. No two bookings are ever the same.

So gentlemen, when making that first call to your favourite lady, please don’t ask a) “can I have some more details please” without first reading the website properly and 2) “can you tell me what a booking/overnight might entail please”. The sad thing is that you’re immediately considered a timewaster who would really like to play with his “tugboat”.

I’m going to go and have some fudge, might put me in a more jovial mood.

I have to admit, as great as he was, I’m not sorry to see him go.

I didn’t see him in the same light after the World Cup in 2006 when, in my humble opinion, he was responsible, or at least partly so, for sending Wayne Rooney off in the quarter-final match. Remember that infamous wink to the Portuguese bench? Hmmmm.

A great player but petulant, volatile and stroppy at best. Good luck to Real Madrid. Bring back Beckham, or even better, Eric Cantona please. I know, I know, too old, but they’re part my dream team. *Sigh*

The diversity of tastes and kinks that vary from booking to booking.

Last night I had to play a seductress; a receptionist having my way with the office supply guy. The twist? I had to wear a pair of cream leg-warmers over my stockings and suspenders. Think Fame or ballet dancers. I also had to seduce him some more whilst he wore a blind fold which was….a leg warmer.

Loved it! In 7 and a half years to encounter a new kink. I didn’t think there was anything left out there I hadn’t heard of before.

Thanks “G”, for opening my eyes even wider.

……may I recommend Child 44 by Tom Rob Smith. Winner of the Galaxy Award for Best Newcomer.

All I can say is, awesome, harrowing, riveting, un-putdownable.

His first novel

I can’t seem to stay away from the place, I don’t why.

After juggling with dates and emailing a couple of my favourite clients up there, I find I’m on my way to Manchester in the summer holidays.

I’ve had a look at dates and the 13th-16th looks best for me. I know it’s a fair way off yet, but gents, consider yourself warned. This buxom black beauty is on her way back up north, again,lol.

See you in August.