Kinky La Rue

I’ll be going away on holiday from the 17th October, coming back on the 26th. Back to work on the 27th, jetlag permitting.

I’ll be staying at a 4* hotel on the Bath Road the day before on the 16th (Thursday), the main road adjacent to Heathrow Airport. Check in time from around 3pm.  If you’re on a stopover, I can’t think of a more pleasant way to pass the time until your next flight. Or if you work or live around the area, come pay me an unhurried, no-rush visit in plush surroundings and go away with a smug grin on your face, knowing that you’ve just had lots of rampant sex and your friends/colleagues haven’t.

This is just a day’s stay before my early morning flight on the 17th. Give me a call or drop me a line.

Kinky LaRue – floating your boat, whatever the weather:-).

“An elephant was walking along in his usual habitat when he sees a naked man coming towards him. The elephant looks at the naked man and says “Blimey, how the hell can you breathe through that?”"

I bet that got your attention, didn’t it?

No, sorry to disappoint. But I’m not about to partake in an orgy. This was the song that 66yr old Betty Bryce sang in The X-Factor last weekend. If you’re British then you’ll know what the X-Factor is. To my illustrious American friends, think American Idol, but open to the over 30’s and groups, rather than just soloists.

Last weekend all of Britain was a-titter when Betty Bryce auditioned in front of the judges, including Simon Cowell, and she burst into song with the following tune, which made it onto YouTube, it was that funny:

Did you manage to get a look at the judges’ faces?? Bless Betty, I bet she didn’t have a clue.

That’s the problem these days. Words that used to have different meanings and connotations years ago, mean something completely different now. As I understand it (and I’m happy to be corrected by someone who does know) a gang bang was a party, a get together. It’s an old music hall song (again, in the States, think vaudeville). and obviously the word gang bang meant something totally different then. I wonder if she was ever told by someone a little younger what the word actually means now. She was probably mortified. She made through to Boot Camp, by the way.

The Basingstoke (Hampshire) Fire Brigade were called to rescue an iguana stuck up a tree. But when firefighters got up to about 25ft, they realised that the ‘iguana’ was actually….a branch. “The branch bore a striking resemblance to an iguana when seen from the ground” said a spokesman.

“When they got nearer they could see it was just a branch dangling in the wind.” Bless.

I was amazed at myself at the amount of lies that spewed forth from my mouth last Thursday and Friday during my jaunt to Dover to have my dinner duo with Sarah-Jane. But after so long in this job, I guess I kind of gotten used to it. There’s no choice really.

In the taxi ride to the hotel from the station, the driver was making polite conversation, harmlessly asking me the purpose of my visit to Dover. I told him I was meeting a couple of ladies from the area and that we were having a girly night out. He wondered why I chose that particular hotel. I told him that the friends were from nearby and that the hotel was the most conveniently located. I thought to myself “what the heck do I say if he asks where we’re going”, which I could clearly see was the next question coming. So I jumped in and said that we were all meeting at said hotel to discuss our night out as we were still at odds over what to do.”Whew, dodged that one”, I thought.

And then the next day, as SJ and I had checked out and was waiting for our taxi to take us back to the train station, the receptionist asked us where we were from, and it lead to more questions as to the purpose of our visit. And again, I lied through my teeth. She wasn’t being nosey by any means, neither was the taxi driver from the day before. Dover is one of those lovely quiet areas that you rarely come across  where strangers say hello to each other and mention the weather. And as it’s so close to the coast, I assume the locals must be used to people visiting all the time.

As we were walking to the taxi, SJ laughed and said “You are such a liar!” But what else could I have said? “Oh, I’m an escort and I’m going to meet up with another escort and we’re going to have debauched and hedonistic fun in your hotel room with a client for a few hours. Promise we won’t leave our room a smut-filled mess” I hardly think that would’ve gone down well.

The famous White Cliffs of Dover.

But we all had a great time, Dover was a lovely place and I’m hoping our client went back home with a satisfied grin on his face.

If you’ve read the blurb on the front of my website, you will know that I have referred to my arse as it having its own postcode.

Well, my lovely client from today Mr. “Gordon Bennet”;-) has come up with one. He said it should be AR5E 1GT. What do you think? My arse officially now has its own postcode.

Jennifer Ellison (apparently she was in the West End musical Chicago) was this week voted Rear of The Year. I’m unsure what the criteria is to be considered in the running for Rear of the Year. But I do know you can’t be anything above a certain weight.

A few years ago, then 16 year-old Charlotte Church was voted Rear of The Year, which apparently wasn’t well received. In fact, I’d go so far as to say there was a bit of a controversy surrounding the competition, simply because Charlotte didn’t fit the definition of “slim and fit”. For those who’re unsure who Charlotte Church is, she is a classically-trained opera singer who now has her own talk show. She has what I would call (and I think that you would agree) a gorgeously curvaceous figure.

Since then, you would have noticed that those that have been accoladed with the “Rear of the Year” title have been indeed slimmer.

It’s a good thing you gents have your own definition of what constitutes a beautiful rear, eh!

Rear of the Century:-)

Well, Dover is definitely on and I will be staying overnight from the 18th-19th Sept.

I have a 4 hour booking with my partner in crime Sarah Jane from 6.30-10.30pm on the 18th. I’ll be coming down to Dover from about 3pm onwards. If you feel you’re at a loose end and you want to take in more than the sea view, please drop me a line or give me a call. I’ll be available from around 3pm-6pm, and again in the morning before I go home at midday.

And on this special occassion, shorter bookings are welcome.

Come and show me what the fresh air can do for your appetite.

I’m in the middle of making a booking with a customer down near Dover for next Thursday 18th. It’ll be a long (and late) one so I was thinking about making a whole day and night of it and going home the next morning. If you’ve always wanted a piece of my ample booty but I was too far away in London, now’s your chance. Please feel free to give me a call or drop me a line. If I’ve garnered enough interest then I might just find myself at the seaside next week.

Posted with kind permission from client.

Yesterday (Saturday) I had the aforementioned booking at my usual base at Victoria. He sounded lovely on the phone and I was looking foward to it.

Imagine my suprise (and slight horror) when I opened the door, and this gorgeous young man came in. My first reaction was “Oh my God, you look so young. How old are you”. He assured me he was 21. Well, I thought he was already here and he’d come a fair distance so the least I could do was take him upstairs to the bedroom.

We had a pleasant chat, got the niceties and the business end out of the way. I have to admit I was still a little reticent, but he again assured me he was 21 and, let’s face it, he was here out of his own free will.

But then comes the added pressure when he said that this was his first professional encounter. I thought “Lordy Lordy, not too much pressure here, eh.” Whilst I’m always chuffed when gents choose me for their first encounter, I then find that it’s up to me to ensure that their first time is memorable.

And at 38, (old enough to be his mother I hear you say, *shut it*) I still felt like a dirty old woman. That is, until he took his clothes off, and all feelings of guilt dissapated. What a body! It was all I could do to stop myself from wiping the drool from my lower lip. I did have to admonish him a little though, because he was going to keep his socks on. Gents, for a romantic encounter, uh-uh! no to keeping your socks on, please.

Anyway, I got him on the bed and it wasn’t too long before we were both relaxed. He said he always had a penchant for older big black women and he’d only come across (leave it!) my website the day before and made the booking shorty after. Talk about the impetuousness of the young.

I was impressed at this young man because it was obvious that he’d paid attention to my site. He’d read on my site the joke about bringing a bottle of Pinot Grigio for the fridge and bring one with him he did. I’d commented that not a lot of gents pay attention to the actual writing, they just phone and ask for a booking in an hour’s time when it clearly states that this is something I can’t cater for. He said, “really, can you blame them?” What a flatterer.

Obviously I won’t go into specifics, but oh, what an encounter. It’s young gents like him why I don’t have a lower age limit. A lot of escorts don’t like seeing guys under a certain age. I have no such restrictions. That goes for an upper age restriction. As long as you’re of legal age and you don’t have a dodgy ticker, then I see gentlemen of all ages, gentlemen being the operative word. And a lovely young gent he was.Well mannered, smelt good and very respectful of me. Unfortunately some of his counterparts have this idiotic notion that just because they’re paying for it, anything goes and manners are out the window.

He confessed that he had difficulty in finding compatibility with ladies of his own age, and I could understand why. He was more of a love-maker than a ‘wham-bam’ type of guy. At least he was with me. And it’s not something you find in most 21 year olds. I hope he does find somebody of his maturity. It’d be a crying shame if he didn’t. Although he’s welcome back anytime I wouldn’t want him to spend his hard-earned solely on professional encounters. Especially as he has a goal to save for.

When he left, I even got a kiss on the hand too. Who the hell does that? Wonderful. Not to mention the text afterwards thanking me for a wonderful time. Whoever his parents are, they need to give themselves a pat on the back for doing such a grand job in raising this young man. With constantly hearing depressing news of young men in gangs killing each other this chap was like a breath of fresh air. I’ve been blessed that most of my encounters have been with some lovely gentlemen. This one will be among the most memorable.

I think it’s true what they say. Women don’t reach their sexual peak until they reach a certain age. I’m having a great journey getting there. Bring ‘em on, young and old alike:-).